London for Beginners - Making Tracks

London is intimidating. It’s a large wary mass, hurriedly trying to go about its business before it starts raining. It has its own set of unwritten rules, that for the uninitiated can make any trip to the city a baffling ordeal. So, after almost six years of learning my way around life in the capital, I’ve taken a stab at pulling together my guide to moving to London. Over the next few posts, I’ll dispense invaluable (aka free) wisdom on whether you should move to London, where you should live, what there is to do, and many other vitally important questions. If you’re already here, then you can see whether you should have bothered.

Ever since Dick Whittington and his cat travelled down the A1 in search of streets of gold, people have moved to London. Be it in search of fame, fortune or fun; there are a multitude of reasons why people flock here. But is it really a good idea? Let’s review why exactly you want to move.

For a job. It is a sad reality that for certain careers, you will need to move to London. Whether your calling in life is to tread the boards in the West End, maintain the proud traditions of the mother of all parliaments, or to move things from Excel to Powerpoint; the geographic deck is stacked against anywhere that isn’t London. Whilst a national economic restructure is a far more strategic solution, unfortunately reader, it is probably beyond your capabilities. “Ah”, you cry, “but what about remote working?” Whilst advances in technology and contagious pathogens have certainly made a working from not London a more realistic prospect, it’s not a panacea. We are a considerable distance away from a cast member Teamsing their way through a performance of “Wicked”. How else can you climb the greasy corporate pole if not by forcing a laugh at your boss’ dull anecdotes at the pub, nor raking in the most essential of career currency – office gossip. If it’s a career you’re after, you may just have to venture into Zone 1, so why not live in one of the many radiating zones.

To reinvent or be yourself. Since the first road was vaguely cleared, people have hit said road and moved to London to reinvent themselves. Historically, you may have left to escape those nasty rumours about how you brought pestilence to your village. Now, it’s more likely you’ll move to London to enable you to be your truest self. Certainly, whatever your proclivities, it’s likely there’s already a supportive community already embedded down already in the city. For a fresh slate, there’s nothing quite like the anonymity offered by crowds. The city doesn’t care who you were, but who you are. Now, obviously London is no utopia. Homophobic, racist and misogynist abuse can be found in many dark corners, as with any other city. A move here won’t magically solve all your internal wrangles. But it certainly will help you find others who have been in a similar boat, who will welcome you in¹.

You love visiting London. You’ve been on plenty of weekends to London. You gasp in awe at the history-steeped splendour of the streets surrounding you. Dickens, Holmes, Jack the Ripper – you’ve followed in all their footsteps, led by a suspiciously upbeat drama graduate clutching an umbrella. Your Citypass has been worn down by the times you’ve visited the London Dungeon, Madame Tussauds and other mawkish mannequin museums. If this is you, it is obvious – you should not move to London.

For you, London is a theme park. It’s a garish trail of overpriced attractions, interspersed by restaurants whose name is literally just Foodstuff House². It’s a place of wonder, of excitement, of weird nut stalls. The London in your imagination is the best it can ever be. Immersing yourself 24/7 here would only be a bitter disappointment. You’d despair at how few times your neighbours have been on an open-top bus tour, or how little they care for street theatre. You never, never need to go to Leicester Square. It’s for your own good that London remains a distant joyland, rather than a humdrum domicile.

A vague sense of FOMO. You can’t put your finger on it, but maybe there’s something you’re missing out on by not living in London. Your mates’ Instagram had that cool craft beer place in the half decrepit warehouse by the canal on last week. Sweating whilst the Central line screams around Bethnal Green seems like a whale of a time. Your local curry house doesn’t let you dine under the loving gaze of Princess Diana³. This is all going on, and you’re not a part of it. What other minor excitements are you missing out on? Maybe you too need to move to confirm once and for all.

You really like your car. Obviously, this isn’t a reason to move to London, but I mention it to reinforce the fact that you will not enjoy it here. London is not a car place. Frankly, there are enough people posting on those weird local Facebook groups about congestion charges and low traffic schemes without needing you to chime in.

So should you move here?

It's likely, that if you’re thinking about moving to London, you probably fall into multiple categories above. Maybe you could get a job locally, but upping sticks to within the M25 also allows you to escape the mundane rigidities of who everyone in your village believes you to be. There are many good reasons to chase your dreams in London (and a fair few reasons to stay away). London is not straightforward. It’s busy yet lonely; loud yet anonymous; sober yet drunk⁴. Above all though, London will never bore you. It'll exhaust you after a while, but that's a worry for tomorrow.

So, now you’ve decided you are going to head to the big smoke, where should you move to? Well, let's find out next time.

¹ Although there are probably a scant few people in the city who are fleeing after bringing pestilence to their village. You may struggle to find like minded individuals in that case.

² Spaghetti House, Angus Steakhouse, etc.

³  

⁴ Increasingly the latter as the evenings plunge into night.