I found myself at Amersham, as one does, staring down the tube map. Zone 9 (or Buckinghamshire, as it is sometimes known) is on the outer extremes of the urban agglomeration that is London. Stretching in front of me was a collection of places I’d never really heard of, never mind visited. And it occurred to me that these places may not merely be stops on one branch of one tube, but rather a glancing window into a whole hidden world. I could have painstakingly researched the etymology of each stop, teasing out the nuggets of intrigue, and woven these into a tale of people and place that covers the Chilterns through to the roaring heart of the City.
Instead, I’ve just made it up.
So, join me on a journey through the imagination, via
Neasden, of the Metropolitan line1, with extraordinarily little
bearing on reality2.
Amersham
“Amersham,” she whispered. In the half light, she could
swear that she saw his silhouette in her doorway. She looked again, and he was
gone. Alice would have to stop this senseless longing, for her hand in marriage
had already been promised to Mr Hawtrey. But it was Amersham, who not two
nights ago she had never met before, who had stolen her heart when he came over
the moor on horseback.
Excerpt from The Silent Heather by Anne Brontë.
Chalfont & Latimer
Alfred “Freddie” Chalfont (1898-1977) and Eric Latimer (1895-1954)
were a comedic double act who dominated the world of theatre and early television.
Growing up on the same street in Bleakdale, Yorkshire, they achieved great fame
with their hilariously yet innuendo laden music hall acts. Famous sketches
included Knickers in the Window, Only a Half of Bitter and, a
favourite of the Queen Mother, Girls! Their fame only grew on the
nascent BBC network, starring in their own regular variety show, the
Chalfont & Latimer Entertainment Parade. Unfortunately, fame was to be
cut short by Eric’s passing in 1954. Freddie continued as a solo comedian, but without
his writing partner, his career began to flounder. This was compounded by an
ill-advised move into sitcom writing, leading to the highly controversial Lady
Drivers, which was cancelled by Granada Television after two episodes. Chalfont
& Latimer’s influence on later comics is not to be understated, with Jim
Davidson stating their acts in the fifties as having convinced him to turn his
hand to comedy.
Chorleywood
Chorleywood is a stately home on the outskirts of the New
Forest. Built in the 19th century, it was known as the seat of the
Earl of Slough. It is perhaps best known as being the centre of a national
scandal in the late thirties. The 4th Lord Slough was a
Nazi-sympathiser, and his regular soirees for like-minded individuals were
known for attracting the not-so-great nor good from Britain’s aristocratic classes.
Whilst never a public supporter of the British Union of Fascists, he was known
to have met with Oswald Moseley on multiple occasions. Following the declaration
of war, Lord Slough retired from public life, and Chorleywood was requisitioned
by the military for use as a barracks and centre of espionage. It was here,
when stationed in 1940, Evelyn Waugh first started sketching out the paeon to
the dying glory of the aristocratic Oxford scene, Brideshead Revisited.
Following a period of disrepair in the fifties and sixties, it was converted
into a hotel. It now offers weddings.
Rickmansworth
Alan Rickman was an English actor who had a net worth of $16
million, according to the first result when you google it.
Moor Park
Moor Park F.C. are an association football team, founded in
Paisley in 1912, currently playing in Scottish League Two. Known as the Marmaladers,
Moor Park have had a chequered history, with their most recent period of success
being promotion to League One in 2015, leading to a two-season spell in the
third tier of Scottish football. The most famous night in the club’s history
was the 1977 knock-out of holders Celtic from the Scottish Cup in the third
round, which resulted in scorer of the winning goal, Jimmy Trout, climbing the
scoreboard to celebrate at the final whistle. The injury he sustained falling
from said scoreboard, was unfortunate. Notable former players include Alan
Hansen, Alan McInally, and Alan “Ally” McBeal.
Northwood
HMP Northwood is an infamous prison located in
Leicestershire. Three of the gang involved in the Great Train Robbery in 1963
were remanded here, until a guard accidentally let them out after “being asked
nicely”. Agatha Christie was known to spend time visiting in the forties and
fifties, often using the anecdotes told to her by inmates as the basis for some
of her whodunnits, especially when she was struggling with writer’s block. Quick
to temper, she was barred from visiting in 1956 after a particularly foul-mouthed
tirade left many prisoners emotionally scarred.
Northwood Hills
Northwood Hills is a family-oriented theme park in
Leicestershire. Other than harbouring escapees from the neighbouring prison, it
was notable for the unlicenced Pepper Pigg World, which following a cease-and-desist
letter, was turned into the haunted house attraction, The Abattoir.
Pinner
Edmund Pinner (1906-1982) is a distinguished playwright, author,
and diarist. Born in Rugby, he went on to read English at University College,
Oxford. He was professionally and personally acquainted with W. H. Auden, Stephen
Spender, and Christopher Isherwood, spending three months in Weimar-era Berlin
with the latter. In the early thirties, he first wrote of his time at boarding
school in the novella and later play Inkwell. Following serving in the
war (where he was stationed at Tangier, Burma, and Chorleywood), he first encountered
critical acclaim with his withering satire of Oxbridge elites On a Better
Punt. Subsequent plays In Fine Fettle and The Lone Charioteer were
equally lauded, the latter directed by and starring John Gielgud at the Old Vic
in 1958. His stage output decreased in latter years, but Pinner began writing a
weekly column for the Evening Standard. These told humorous, opaquely fictional,
and often scandalous tales from his university years, and his daily life in Highgate.
In a set of columns published posthumously, Pinner publicly came out. His life
was adapted into the 1988 BAFTA-award winning film Pinner, with both Gary
Oldman and Derek Jacobi playing the eponymous role.
North Harrow
A service station on the M6, notable for its sixties modernist
design.
Harrow-on-the-Hill
William Blake wrote of a higher state of consciousness, obtained
when man has shed the ties to the formal tenets of organised Christianity, and
embraced the fundamental bond with God. In his writings, Blake referred to this
state of consciousness as a physical place and termed it Harrow-on-the-Hill. Academics
often see Harrow-on-the-Hill as a direct forebearer to Blake’s later writings
on building a new Jerusalem.
Northwick Park
Northwick Park consists of two separate nuclear power
facilities, Northwick Park A (commissioned 1963, decommissioned 2012),
Northwick Park B (commissioned 1976), situated on the Lancashire coast. Despite
local opposition, the government provided formal permission for a third reactor
(Northwich Park C) in 2018, but progress was halted due to the discovery of a colony
of terns nesting in the vicinity.
Preston Road
Home ground for Moor Park FC since 1928, with a capacity of
5,378. For sponsorship reasons, known as the CryptoBet88WIN Stadium since
2020, the ground is notable for its late era, Leitch designed, Andi Peters
stand.
Wembley Park
Wembley Park (1890 – 1917) was a distinguished war poet,
famous for his poems composed in the trenches and posted back to his family. Killed
in the Battle of Cambrai in 1917, he was lauded posthumously for capturing the
horrors of trench warfare in his epic, four-page Fields of Humility.
Finchley Road
Finchley Road is a London Underground station at the corner
of Finchley Road and Canfield Gardens in the London Borough of Camden, north
London. It is on the Jubilee line, between West Hampstead and Swiss Cottage
stations and on the Metropolitan line between Wembley Park and Baker Street
stations. It is in Travelcard Zone 2.
So, there we have it. The Metropolitan line is not just a
dawdling train from Amersham that should really go faster than it does, but a
single thread linking all sorts of people, places, and concepts. Even if only
in my head. And reading this is quicker than actually having to ride it.
1Amersham Branch only
2Honestly, all events are fictious and written
purely for humorous purposes, especially those that are attributed to real
persons.